Tuesday, September 18, 2012

oh fall

i have always loved fall.
the colors, getting to throw on a sweater after so many months of heat, the changing light.
year after year i drive down the road and see giant trees filled with yellow, red and orange and it is breathtaking.
i love making apple cider and casseroles and big pots of soup to eat at the end of a cold day .
even with all that the mood still hasn't struck me.
this year i long for more months of warmth.
more light in my days.
the thought of shorter days and cold weather puts me in a foul mood.
i can't even think about it without getting a knot in my stomach.
i used to not mind the cold.
i've never loved winter but i put up with it cause what else could i do?
then we went to cabo in october.
i can pinpoint it to that year.
that's when it all changed.
this is what we got to play in while everyone at home was frozen.
and ever since then it's been down hill.
to be there snorkeling, getting sunburned and drinking margaritas under an umbrella in the fall shifted my thinking.
now every year i wish for longer summers, warmer weather, sand and surf.
i can feel it calling to me.
the older i get the greater the pull of the ocean is.
i long to be there.
to be able to get up in the morning and walk on the beach.
to hear the roar through my open windows.
to sit for hours with a good book and sand between my toes.
spending my early years in california i spent a fair amount of time at the ocean.
i have been back many times since we left but this last time was so much different.
it felt like home, even after all these years.
even though idaho has been home for most of my life it still felt so familiar to me.
the places we went that i went so many times as a child.
the sounds of the lane dividers on the freeway, the sea gulls, the waves.
it's a part of me that will always be and whether i fight it or, eventually, give in and take up residency someplace warm and beachy remains to be seen.
but it will always be in my heart.
so fall and winter...if you could stay away for a little while longer this sunshine loving girl would really appreciate it.

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